Ben Affleck should stay out of the tabloids and do more of this. Normally, I'd be bored of the love story, but this one keeps my interest by giving Affleck a secret identity, like Batman. If Batman robbed banks.
19. Get Low (drama)
Robert Duvall witnesses his own funeral, but the good townspeople of Geezerville stop short of burying him alive. This ain't no horror movie, sad to say.
How can a movie be this watchable with so many douchebags on parade? Chalk it up to the strength of the acting, I guess. Never fear, sports movie fans, I got your montage right here.
17. The King's Speech (drama)
I can't overemphasize the importance of this character arc. We needed the king to step up and do what Winston Churchill couldn't: give a good speech. "We shall fight them on the beaches…" Wait...
16. Toy Story 3 (animated, children's)
I eventually got too old for He-Man and Ninja Turtles, but you're never too old for Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear. Excuse me while I suppress a shudder. This film is a welcome condemnation of those freakish "bronies". Grow up, weirdos!
15. Youth in Revolt (romantic comedy)
Evil Michael Cera is pretty awesome, though if you look closely enough, this is almost the exact story as Black Swan. I'm not sure why the girl doesn't just knee him in the junk and never speak to him again.
14. Inception (science fiction)
The team of paramilitary dream invaders just squeezes past the suspension of disbelief. My only real complaint is that you shouldn't make your whole movie pointless for the sake of a twist ending. M Night Shyamalan directed the last five seconds and it ruined everything that came before.
13. The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader (fantasy)
Not as good as the first Narnia movie, but better than the second, thanks to Eustace Scrubb and his mean spirited limericks.
12. Animal Kingdom (crime)
In The Departed, everyone gets shot willy-nilly until Marky Mark is the last man standing. That looks kind of farcical compared to this movie. That's the difference between random violence and deliberate violence.
11. Restrepo (documentary)
Thank God the cameras cut away before we see any Afghanis take a squat. Seriously, they don't know how to use a commode. Not making that up. Instead, we get to see real live war, and it's totally mesmerizing.
10. Iron Man 2 (action)
Hopefully, Tony Stark can still be a drunk, narcissistic womanizer even after hooking up with Gwyneth Paltrow, since that's what made him so likable and fun to watch. God bless Iron Man, God bless America.
9. Black Swan (drama)
It's not the pressure that drives Queen Amidala insane, it's her explosively pink bedroom. Maybe that also explains why she's so into Mila Kunis. Lord knows that's my excuse.
8. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (foreign, crime)
The Swedish version of this movie is a modern murder mystery with computer hacking, video surveillance, and soundproof rooms, and guess who's the culprit? Spoiler alert: it's Hitler.
7. Let Me In (horror)
A wish fulfillment scenario I can appreciate. If my best friend was a vampire, then everyone who was ever mean to me would be sorry. That means you, Ralphie Parker.
6. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (comedy)
If you don't know Launchpad McQuack, this might not be the movie for you. And if your life had a face, I would punch it in the balls. The rest of you are cool.
5. Winter's Bone (drama)
The premise, of a teenage girl looking for her dad so their impoverished family doesn't get kicked off their land, sounds dull until you hear the phrase "redneck mafia." Plus, she can really peel a squirrel.
4. 127 Hours (drama)
Surprisingly gripping for a movie about a dude trapped under a rock for two hours. James Franco is so hardcore, he drinks his own pee. Just like Kevin Costner in Waterworld, though maybe that's not the best comparison.
3. The Social Network (drama)
Mark Zuckerberg craps money. He's all like, "Hey, lawyers. See this? Yeah, that's my middle finger." I should invent something that makes me super rich and overthrows Arab dictators.
2. True Grit (western)
The years have not been kind to drunken cowboys. He looks like if Kurt Cobain was still alive, and also a cowboy. Kind of gritty. Truly gritty.
1. Carlos (biopic, political thriller)
This film, the anti-Che, tells of the utterly engrossing true life criminal career of Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, aka Cobra Commander. Watch all six hours and love it, or I'll send over Serpentor to eff you up.
