(comedy)What is this, Animal House
redux? For me, college was studying and too many computer games and late night doughnut runs and occasional forays into the steam tunnels like the Morlock that I was. But strippers are good, too.19. Stranger Than Fiction
(drama)If there was really an author whose every story came true, they'd write nothing but Mary Sue characters. "Once upon a time, I was awesome."
18. The Illusionist
(drama)This movie is a hair's breadth away from turning into an Encyclopedia Brown mystery at the end. You know who's lying because pigs can't look up!
17. Superman Returns
(action)I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to make Superman a deadbeat dad. How's he going to pay child support?
16. Apocalypto
(foreign-ish, suspense)Cultural relativity aside, there's nothing like a solar eclipse as an excuse for a mountain of human heads.
15. Idiocracy
(comedy)Maybe if I hadn't gone to college I could be elbow deep in my own progeny right now.
14. The Queen
(drama)Diana may have been the people's princess, but I bet she wasn't killed in a Morris Marina.
13. The Prestige
(drama)Movies about volcanos, movies about asteroids, now movies about ye olde stage magicians. What is Hollywood's obsession with redundancy? At least this one has Nikola Tesla giving that added extra spark. Ow, I just punched myself for that.
12. Children of Men
(sci-fi, drama)Set in a future dystopian Britain where no one has any babies, except for immigrants. How, again, is that any different from Britain now?
11. Blood Diamond
(drama)Why isn't American border security as tight as Liberia's? Although, I guess no coyote ever smuggled people into the country sewn into the skin of a sheep.
10. United 93
(drama)Kids should be forced to watch this movie in school rather than The Power of One
.9. Talladega Nights
(comedy)Redneck America, this is your new Smokey and the Bandit
. Promotes all-American values like Jesus, NASCAR, and flouting the authority of your local Applebees.8. The Departed
(crime)Not since Quentin Tarantino came along have swear words been so casual or humorous. The violence is just as casual, but less funny.
7. The Last King of Scotland
(drama)Although I can't remember the last performance that was this good, now I hope I never meet Forest Whitaker, because I'm afraid he would eat my face.
6. Art School Confidential
(comedy)If I got the world's most worthless college degree, I'd probably be inclined to murder people too. Thankfully, I only have the second or third most worthless degree.
5. The Lives of Others
(foreign, drama)I swear that state security absolutely isn't forcing me at gunpoint to write about how awesome this movie is. Kann ich jetzt gehen?
4. A Scanner Darkly
(animated, drama)Ted "Theodore" Logan, all grown up, working as an undercover cop, more stoned than ever. Despite the animation and hallucinations, there are no anthropomorphic singing animals in this one.
3. Casino Royale
(action)The travesty here is not a blonde James Bond, it's when he rolls his Aston Martin. Maybe he was still reeling from the high stakes poker game in Crna Gora, of all places.
2. The Fountain
(sci-fi, drama)Wolverine's wife dies, so he goes to the Mayan underworld via Arthur C. Clarke to look for her. There's only one explosion, but it's a supernova.
1. Pan's Labyrinth
(foreign, horror fantasy)Fantasy worlds are usually supposed to be an escape, but in this case, I think I'd rather deal with the Spanish Civil War, which is at least a little less H.P. Lovecraft crossed with H.R. Giger.
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