(comedy)It's cute, just not as cute as Miss Alabama. And for some reason, I get a real scumbag vibe off Mr. Male Protagonist. The pervy bomber is less creepy.
19. Finding Forrester
(drama)If Sean Connery remembers the Bronx back when it was a good neighborhood, he must have been living there even before the War of Northern Aggression. Good movie, except in the end they didn't bother to script the kid's inspiring speech.
18. American Psycho
(horror)How do I take seriously a psychopath who's so into his own coiffure? Go play with your fine oils and creams, loser.
17. State and Main
(comedy)My brother went to an old mill in Arkansas once. That's kind of like this movie, if people in Arkansas were a bunch of smart mouths.
16. Traffic
(drama)You've got the ensemble cast and the interweaving storylines, but kid, you're no Magnolia
. You just think you're so smart.15. Battle Royale
(foreign, horror)It's still more a more believable dystopia than Children of Men
. I'd be the fat kid who gets whacked right at the start.14. Pitch Black
(sci-fi, action/suspense)I know he's supposed to be a psycho killer, but Vin Diesel's deep gravelly voice just sounds so reassuring. Cool monsters mix well with entertaining cannon fodder.
13. The Beach
(drama)This goes to show the extent of Danny Boyle's talent, that he can make me interested in these surf headed scumbags. Who decided to name a tropical paradise Phuket, anyway? Way to go, Thailand.
12. Boiler Room
(drama)Maybe I just have a man crush on Vin Diesel. And hey, he's got a conscience in this one!
11. Gun Shy
(comedy)A remarkable achievement. Poo poo jokes that don't come across as childish. Still silly though, even with the guns and watermelon and manic depressives and gay Colombians.
10. X-Men
(action)I would vote for Senator Kelley. I too am opposed to the exploitation of energy blobs, especially if you have to mine for them in the Statue of Liberty. Plus mutants creep me out. A guy who gets hit with a tree should stay down.
9. Wonder Boys
(drama)Peter Parker is such a liar in this movie. Anyway, you gotta love a broken down protagonist. They're fun because they keep dead dogs in the trunk of their car. Evidently.
8. Snatch
(crime, comedy)This is what Fight Club
would be like if the losers got fed to pigs. It's hilarious.7. Gladiator
(historical action)No fair picking on Commodus just because he was one of the worst Roman emperors and his name sounds like another word for toilet. At least after he died the Roman republic was restored, if this movie is anything to go by.
6. Memento
(crime)If I had amnesia, I could watch this movie again. It really only works once, unlike The Usual Suspects
, which has way more charm. But it works really well that first time.5. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
(foreign, historical epic, action)This movie's got more fu than Dave Grohl. It's like The Matrix
set in Gansu province.4. Nurse Betty
(comedy)Even ruthless killers have to do something on those long cross country road trips. Besides scalp people, I mean. Though they can do that, too.
3. Unbreakable
(suspense)I'm kind of glad there was no sequel given how Shwhat's-his-name lost his mind two-thirds of the way through his next movie. C'est la vie, Mr. Glass. We'll always have that subway stairwell.
2. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
(comedy)Now that's a coiffure I can get behind. Odysseus would totally be a Dapper Dan man. But I thought it was Circe, not the sirens, who turned Tim Blake Nelson into a toad. Something's not bonafide.
1. Almost Famous
(comedy)Why do I like this movie so much when it makes me feel so uncool? Lousy manipulative rock stars. Hey, Dorothy from Return to Oz
grew up a-ok.
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