(foreign, drama)Locked in syndrome: the sad fate of some Bond villains. At least those Gallic therapists are hot, so, you know, not a total loss. Still, I can think of better ways to meet girls, even if you're a writer.
19. Sweeny Todd
(musical, horror)Surprisingly, Johnny Depp is not the most effeminate dude in this. I'd feel a lot less creeped out by the lesbian love story if the butch one didn't have an Adam's apple.
18. Southland Tales
(sci-fi)Shame that only pieces of the story made it into this fascinating failure of a movie. The whole thing feels only half finished. But the omissions are worth it to get the Justin Timberlake song and dance routine. Trust me, it works in context.
17. Mongol
(foreign, historical epic)The progenitor of eight percent of all Asians didn't even father his own supposed first born son. I guess that explains his alpha male need to rape his way from Korea to Hungary.
16. Ratatouille
(animated)You can have rats working in the kitchen as long as you conveniently overlook that they pee on everything, including food. That would put anyone off their baguette.
15. Michael Clayton
(drama)You can't even trust a lawyer to backstab someone without having them backstab you. Also, maybe I'm just too unsophisticated, but the horses are meaningless to me.
14. Atonement
(drama)It's one thing to ruin someone's life. On the other hand, if this girl has the hots for war, which is my theory, then she's got nothing to feel ashamed of. Just show some gratitude to the troops there, honey.
13. Hot Fuzz
(action comedy)Not a movie about furries. More about hoodies, and the danger of their unchecked delinquency on society. Fortunately, murder is a solution to every problem, even if the problem is too much murder.
12. I'm Not There
(drama)At last, a musician's biopic that dances to its own tune. It's like Fight Club
, but with five Tyler Durdens, and no fight clubs. And copious beatniks.11. Superbad
(comedy)What can I add about a movie with this many penis jokes, except my surpise that it's not by Kevin Smith? Guys, don't watch it with your girlfriend unless she's super cool. Don't watch it with your parents at all.
10. Persepolis
(foreign, animated, drama)You feel sorry for this girl who grows up surrounded by bearded lunatics who will eventually go too far and force America to go all Alexander the Great on their asses and burn their country down. I guess that's why it's called Persepolis (look it up on Wikipedia, o ignorant masses).
9. Charlie Wilson's War
(drama)How can dialogue be the greatest strength of a movie that feels like a mere summary of events? At least if Forrest Gump
here was facing a sex scandal, it wouldn't involve male interns. This is lechery like God intended.8. The Darjeeling Limited
(drama)Moving the action to India doesn't stop the Wes Anderson formula from starting to feel a little stale. The characters are so damaged that Owen Wilson spends the movie with his head wrapped in bandages. Could be funnier, but Anderson's still good enough to pull off the same old, same old.
7. Lust Caution
(foreign, espionage thriller)You always hurt the ones you love the most, unless of course they hurt you first. So watch out for assassination attempts when you go shopping for an expensive ring.
6. Juno
(comedy)This is the wittier bastard love child of My So Called Life
and, uh... My So Called Life.5. Gone Baby Gone
(crime, suspense)You'd think a Casey Affleck movie would make the critics say "Burn Baby Burn", but no. Because it's a crime movie, and crime pays.
4. Eastern Promises
(crime)Did the Russian mob face a lot of competition from Yakuts and Udmurts to corner the crime market in their frozen Siberian wasteland of a country? Maybe that's why they're so cold blooded.
3. There Will Be Blood
(drama)"I drink your milkshake" sounds like a sequel to I Spit On Your Grave
. Thankfully, we've moved beyond the era of mom and pop oil drilling operations, so mishaps with rigs are a thing of the past (he deadpanned).2. No Country for Old Men
(crime)After making three-fourths of a perfect movie, the Coen brothers of The Man Who Wasn't There
take over. The movie kind of meanders from there.1. Sunshine
(sci-fi)I'm starved for good sci-fi films (as opposed to, say, effects driven 3-D orgies
). And Danny Boyle movies are always very cool. At first the antagonist here is good old fashioned human incompetence, but soon the guy shows up who's awful sprightly for being burned half to death.
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