Lupe's Top 20 of 2003

20. Hulk (action)
Nice try, Ang Lee, but you should have started from scratch rather than stick with the Hulk dogs.  And why does Hulking out eliminate body hair?  If Hulk's pants ripped a little more, would everyone be able to see he has no pubes?

19. 21 Grams (drama)
Is this a movie or a jigsaw puzzle?  A grim, humorless, funereal jigsaw puzzle.

18. The Cooler (drama)
William H. Macy's luck begins to turn around in this movie after a girl cradles his nutsack.  On camera.  Yeah, that's really the image I want in my head.

17. Lost in Translation (drama)
I get frustrated watching this gaijin sitting in his hotel room because he doesn't know how to have a good time in Tokyo.

16. Daredevil (action)
I didn't know stabbing a girl in the heart could become a sex act.  But now I'm intrigued.  Pity about Ben Affleck, though he was good in Shakespeare in Love.

15. The School of Rock (comedy)
Substitute teaching is like babysitting, just without the refrigerator privileges.  And being a rock star is like having full refrigerator privileges everywhere you go, except instead of snacks, you get heroin.  What a wonderful marriage of ideas!

14. Bend It Like Beckham (comedy)
The world outside America is so quaint with its idea of what constitutes "football".  What's really impressive is this movie takes a plot that wouldn't be out of place in a 1980's sitcom episode and somehow keeps it interesting.

13. Peter Pan (fantasy)
I like an appropriately arrogant and self-absorbed Peter.  Makes me believe in fairies.  For example Oscar Wilde, George Takei, Freddy Mercury...

12. Matchstick Men (crime)
Look out, nerds, this movie proves that life would be more interesting if everything isn't some vast conspiracy.  I liked it up until the last fifteen minutes or so.

11. Finding Nemo (animated comedy)
This is the sort of movie made by people who look at that painting of dogs playing poker and think, animals are people too.  Who says fish can't be single dads?

10. Master and Commander (period drama, war)
Shame this is after Jack Sparrow's time.  He has a lot more personality than any of these limeys.  How many times can you use the word 'bosun' in a two hour movie?

9. Love Actually (romantic comedy)
You know, love actually is all around us, especially on the internet.  And yes, there's a little of that in this movie.

8. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (action)
Dude, what is with the age of sail revival of 2003?  It's all silk shirts and cutlasses.  And Aztec gold.  And ghost pirates.  Or is that pirate ghosts?

7. Big Fish (fantasy)
Tim Burton has a grand time indulging himself.  He turns Danny DeVito into a werewolf and that's really incidental to the actual plot.

6. Kill Bill vol. 1 (action)
Quentin Tarantino missed a great opportunity to include copious B-movie giant afros and naked chicks in prison, but at least the kung fu is pretty cool.

5. Oldboy (foreign, action)
Imagine if you accidentally drank blood meant to be a life saving transfusion for a loved one.  And then, humiliated and grossed out, you flee from the hospital and someone drives over your foot.  Insult to injury, right?  Well, not to spoil anything, but the ending to this movie is way more brutal than that.

4. Intolerable Cruelty (romantic comedy)
No Coen Brothers movie is quite as quotable as The Big Lebowski, but this has got to be the next best thing.  "Are you Wheezy Joe?" is like the antithesis of "I am Spartacus!"

3. X2: X-Men United (action)
Until The Dark Knight came along, this was the best superhero movie ever made.  Why?  Because Magneto loves what Rogue has done with her hair.

2. American Splendor (comedy)
This old geezer is now my hero.  He's got his own comic book, and he gets to tell off David Letterman, and he's got jellybeans, and there's only one other guy in Cleveland with the same name.  Though the cancer doesn't look like much fun.

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (fantasy epic)
Shut up, it's totally platonic.  Hobbits can be friends.  They can even star in the most awesome fantasy epic of all time.  It's completely innocent.

Strat's 20 of 2003

2003 looked to be a down year at first. But you just had to dig a little bit more. Well. it was still a down year, but certainly better than 2002.

20. Monster (drama)

There are two things wrong with this movie. The title makes the leads seem bad and the leads look like the title. It's good. Scary good. But seriously guys, this is not the sexy Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci you were looking for. Beware.

19. Cold Mountain (drama)

You just think you might be seeing an artsy movie, but it gets better than it. There is some real honesty in the performances, esp by Renee Zelwegger. Of course, having Natalie Portman in the movie doesn't hurt.

18. Last Samurai (action drama)

Now this movie reminds me of Dances With Wolves. Foreign military man in an unknown culture that he fights as his enemy and then becomes a close ally to. Movie works for me except for the very obligatory romantic relationship between Tom Cruise and the sister of the leader of the rebel Samurai. Ed Zwick in good form.

17. Dummy (comedy)

Yes, but not a dumb movie. Adrien Brody stars with Milla Jovovich in this quirky comedy about a man who expresses himself through his puppet. Milla is great in this movie. You keep wondering - was this the same actor who is in the Resident Evil movies?? Entertaining.

16. Kill Bill Vol. 1 (action comedy)

Wow. Tarantino can do something that's not dialogue driven. Love the blend of action, 70s kitsch and good drama. Too bad Vol 2 was a complete misfire.

15. Fog of War (documentary)

A film that deals with JFK's Sec of State John McNamara. Lots of revealing info about the early cold war and insight into the politics behind the scenes at the White House in the 60's.

14. Matchstick Men (action)

Nick Cage was Awesome in this movie. It was like Ocean's 11 without feeling like a rehash. Not at all what I would normally call a Ridley Scott movie, sans Thelma and Louise. But this movie was about being slick, hip, and fun.

13. Seabiscuit (sports drama)

If you would have told me that this movie would make my top 20 before I saw it, I would've laughed at you. But this movie is like the title horse - an underdog and in the end, a winner.

12. Bend it Like Beckham (sports comedy)

Another movie which peers into a world that is definitely there, but not in the public consciousness in America - women's sports. Soccer, or football as the dwellers on the other side of the pond would call it. Not only that, but it takes a glimpse into Indian culture as well. A movie which does not fail to make me laugh or entertain. Not to mention two really cute lead actresses.

11. Intolerable Cruelty (comedy)

George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones in a classic-styled Hollywood movie with today issues. Funny and quirky in that Coen Bros kinda way.

10. Duplex (comedy)

Would you believe this would be here on my list? A forgotten Ben Stiller movie which feels like an early 90s comedy. Doesn't feel big budget, but definitely funny.

9. House of Sand and Fog (drama)

Hardly heard of it? Well check it out. A woman's home is accidentally sold to a Persian family, headed by Ben Kingsley. The two square off to supplant the other as the owner. Great drama. almost like a soap, but grounded enough so as not to come off as hokey.

8. Master and Commander (action adventure)

An epic seafaring moving. The likes not seen since Errol Flynn. Smart yet a thriller on the ocean all in one. One of Peter Weir's best.

7. Pirates of the Caribbean (action comedy)

Out of nowhere comes the best of the fun movies of the year. It has a superb performance by Johnny Depp and a score a look that is nearly timeless. Okay, that's an overstatement. But it's still good.

6. Finding Nemo (animation comedy)

Another Pixar classic. Surprised? I wasn't. But at the same time, the movie has the great animation that they're known for.

5. X2: X-Men United (action adventure)

Can a sequel be better than the original? Yes. Here's another example. Bryan Singer crafted this movie in the spirit of great sequels like Batman Returns and Star Trek 2 the Wrath of Khan (which this movie's plot is indebted to).

4. Lost in Translation (comedy)

This movie is not like anything else that came out in '03. Deadpan humor and great acting. Modern classic that cements Sophia Coppola as an auteur to watch.

3. Big Fish (fantasy)

Wow. Now this is classic Tim Burton. This is what kind of film he needs to make. This is what he's good at. Nuff said. See it.

2. Love Actually (comedy)

Where did this movie come from? It's one of the best romantic movies. It's not a great comedy. It's a romance. And I like it. Wow. It's a touching dramatic, romantic movie. Best blend of those two ingredients I've ever seen.

1. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (fantasy)

No surprise here. This movie is a superb ending to one of the greatest film epics ever. Ending on such a high note, makes this trilogy rival the original Star Wars. One for all time.You know what? The worst aren't worth writing about.