(action)Nice try, Ang Lee, but you should have started from scratch rather than stick with the Hulk dogs. And why does Hulking out eliminate body hair? If Hulk's pants ripped a little more, would everyone be able to see he has no pubes?
19. 21 Grams
(drama)Is this a movie or a jigsaw puzzle? A grim, humorless, funereal jigsaw puzzle.
18. The Cooler
(drama)William H. Macy's luck begins to turn around in this movie after a girl cradles his nutsack. On camera. Yeah, that's really the image I want in my head.
17. Lost in Translation
(drama)I get frustrated watching this gaijin sitting in his hotel room because he doesn't know how to have a good time in Tokyo.
16. Daredevil
(action)I didn't know stabbing a girl in the heart could become a sex act. But now I'm intrigued. Pity about Ben Affleck, though he was good in Shakespeare in Love
.15. The School of Rock
(comedy)Substitute teaching is like babysitting, just without the refrigerator privileges. And being a rock star is like having full refrigerator privileges everywhere you go, except instead of snacks, you get heroin. What a wonderful marriage of ideas!
14. Bend It Like Beckham
(comedy)The world outside America is so quaint with its idea of what constitutes "football". What's really impressive is this movie takes a plot that wouldn't be out of place in a 1980's sitcom episode and somehow keeps it interesting.
13. Peter Pan
(fantasy)I like an appropriately arrogant and self-absorbed Peter. Makes me believe in fairies. For example Oscar Wilde, George Takei, Freddy Mercury...
12. Matchstick Men
(crime)Look out, nerds, this movie proves that life would be more interesting if everything isn't some vast conspiracy. I liked it up until the last fifteen minutes or so.
11. Finding Nemo
(animated comedy)This is the sort of movie made by people who look at that painting of dogs playing poker and think, animals are people too. Who says fish can't be single dads?
10. Master and Commander
(period drama, war)Shame this is after Jack Sparrow's time. He has a lot more personality than any of these limeys. How many times can you use the word 'bosun' in a two hour movie?
9. Love Actually
(romantic comedy)You know, love actually is all around us, especially on the internet. And yes, there's a little of that in this movie.
8. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
(action)Dude, what is with the age of sail revival of 2003? It's all silk shirts and cutlasses. And Aztec gold. And ghost pirates. Or is that pirate ghosts?
7. Big Fish
(fantasy)Tim Burton has a grand time indulging himself. He turns Danny DeVito into a werewolf and that's really incidental to the actual plot.
6. Kill Bill vol. 1
(action)Quentin Tarantino missed a great opportunity to include copious B-movie giant afros and naked chicks in prison, but at least the kung fu is pretty cool.
5. Oldboy
(foreign, action)Imagine if you accidentally drank blood meant to be a life saving transfusion for a loved one. And then, humiliated and grossed out, you flee from the hospital and someone drives over your foot. Insult to injury, right? Well, not to spoil anything, but the ending to this movie is way more brutal than that.
4. Intolerable Cruelty
(romantic comedy)No Coen Brothers movie is quite as quotable as The Big Lebowski
, but this has got to be the next best thing. "Are you Wheezy Joe?" is like the antithesis of "I am Spartacus!"3. X2: X-Men United
(action)Until The Dark Knight
came along, this was the best superhero movie ever made. Why? Because Magneto loves what Rogue has done with her hair.2. American Splendor
(comedy)This old geezer is now my hero. He's got his own comic book, and he gets to tell off David Letterman, and he's got jellybeans, and there's only one other guy in Cleveland with the same name. Though the cancer doesn't look like much fun.
1. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(fantasy epic)Shut up, it's totally platonic. Hobbits can be friends. They can even star in the most awesome fantasy epic of all time. It's completely innocent.
No comments:
Post a Comment