(comedy)Stoners are so funny. I wonder if this would work as well if they were on heroin instead of weed?
19. Kinsey
(drama)I don't care how much you study it, there's not really more than one sex position... right? I mean, how would you... it only... Darkman
's book was fiction, wasn't it? Hey, if I'm missing something, feel free to elaborate in the comments section. Please.18. The Ladykillers
(comedy)This is like watching Ocean's 11
if all the characters were idiots. Yeah, that about sums it up.17. Hellboy
(action)If you were to describe Raiders of the Lost Ark
as "archaeologist fights Nazis for the Ark of the Covenant," it would sound kind of crap. In this case, it's "demon faces choice between love life and pet cats as Nazis summon space octopus." It's no Raiders, but it's still pretty good.16. Million Dollar Baby
(drama)I'm like a fair weather friend, totally with this girl on her way to the top, but not so interested after that. I prefer Dirty Harry
's approach. Euthanasia, pie.15. Team America: World Police
(animated, comedy)The Germans, frightened of their own success, adopted militant pacifism over militant nationalism. The Russians wasted away in soup lines for free Vodka rather than work for a living. The Japanese embraced their role as the global community's nerdy math tutor. The British kept exporting tea and cricket to all their conquests until their whole empire sucked as much as the home isles. The Chinese hive mind is incapable of competitive or creative thinking. Ergo: America. F*** yeah.
14. Collateral
(thriller)The real collateral damage would have come if Travis Bickle had been driving the cab instead of Jamie Foxx. Chauffeuring an assassin around could be considered a learning experience for someone like that.
13. Shaun of the Dead
(horror comedy)Zombies are so earnest in their need for human flesh, like an animal begging for food. Not an analogy. Watch this movie and laugh like a sociopath in the face of blood and horror.
12. The Passion of the Christ
(drama)So, it's not foreign, but it is subtitled. Those of you who don't like to read a movie while you're watching it might be in for some difficulty, since you will probably be hiding your eyes from all the flayed skin and whatnot.
11. Hotel Rwanda
(drama)Oh, sure, if you want a failed state with plenty of pointless violence, set your movie in Africa. Maybe Hotel Rwanda, Blood Diamond
, and Black Hawk Down
could start a club for condescending neocolonialists. ...Unless they're all based on actual events. Um, no wonder it's good?10. The Incredibles
(animated)At last, a movie brave enough to warn children that once they get married and have kids of their own, it's all downhill. It's volcano lairs and giant robots and insurance salesmen, and no one wants that.
9. Garden State
(comedy)No prescription drug stupor can withstand the charisma of Queen Amidala's girl next door cuteness. She cleans up nice without all the makeup.
8. Spider-Man 2
(action)The bad guy's trenchcoat looks seriously better on film than the first movie's plastic clown suit. I guess Sam Raimi lived and learned. Anyway, the trenchcoat hides his wiggling, tentacular, loathesome appendages that cause panic and mayhem every time he unleashes them. Who says a superhero movie can't have subtext?
7. Mean Girls
(comedy)I know this isn't a horror movie, but it's still the scariest thing I've ever seen. Kids don't have to be stranded on an island to go all Lord of the Flies.
6. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
(adventure)Finally, a Potter movie that doesn't look like a school play caught on some enthusiastic parent's camcorder. Gary Oldman reprises his role from JFK
as patsy Lee Harvey Sirius Black, who apparently can't get a break even in Hell.5. Kill Bill vol. 2
(action)The only character that goes 2-0 against kung fu Uma is the redneck who lives in a trailer and brushes his teeth with beer. Plus, before his shameful death (in the movie), David Carradine espouses his "Superman is a dick" theory.
4. Spartan
(thriller)The President in this movie must have sold his soul to get elected because his handlers are about as mercenary as Mephistopheles. I think they all double majored in political science and murder.
3. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
(comedy)Getting hijacked by pirates has never looked so fun. Who needs Navy SEALs when you've got Bill Murray and a Brazilian David Bowie?
2. Howl's Moving Castle
(animated, adventure)A magical love story between a massive, sweaty bird and an old crone. Supporting characters include an asthmatic dog, a fireplace, and a piece of wood. Miraculously, the internal logic holds together.
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
(romance)Sometimes Charlie Kaufman is good, and sometimes he has his whole head up his own butthole. Good thing this is the former. I guess romance is never more interesting than when you're trying not to forget it.
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